Tuesday, December 9, 2008

"Anyone can be selak, but not everyone is Selak Clan Material"

Selak Clan has gone cyber... Know now, that your days as a reader will be filled with torment, cruelty and racist jokes. For we are, the SELAK CLAN!

I greet thee, and wish thee all the courage and self-restraint whilst reading what us, the Selakians, have to say. May the Selak Force be with you... 'cause you'll need it.

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Nazim [ ASEP 2008 ] says: (1:05:47 AM)
oi cina!
A Smile A Day Keeps The Wrinkles Away says: (1:05:56 AM)
hey
A Smile A Day Keeps The Wrinkles Away says: (1:06:03 AM)
saya sudah tulis
A Smile A Day Keeps The Wrinkles Away says: (1:06:08 AM)
when's ur turn
Nazim [ ASEP 2008 ] says: (1:06:21 AM)
i x tak tau apa nak tulis
A Smile A Day Keeps The Wrinkles Away says: (1:06:48 AM)
tulisja lah
Nazim [ ASEP 2008 ] says: (1:13:26 AM)
lol
Nazim [ ASEP 2008 ] says: (1:13:29 AM)
haha
Nazim [ ASEP 2008 ] says: (1:13:37 AM)
relax
Nazim [ ASEP 2008 ] says: (1:13:50 AM)
thingking noooooowwwwwww

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As you can see, Jay Wen (the Public Relations officer of our Clan) has insisted that I contribute a post in honour of the Clan. Thus, I shall do as he wishes and write a tad bit about the Selak Clan.

A brief history of SC: How Selak Clan came to be...

The weekend after PMR finishes, each and everyone of us joined a trip organised by Quek to Genting Highlands for some fun and joy. We came alone, or at least in different groups. As love brings lovers together, so does SELAK-ness.

"Anyone can be selak, but not everyone is Selak Clan material."

We met in the bus, all 8 of us. May it be Fate or divine intervention, we bonded during the trip to Genting Highlands. As we bonded, the SELAK-ness in each of us called out to each other. Since then, we are inseparable (except when someone goes offstation, of course). And since then we are known as the SELAK CLAN!

The Works: A day in the Selak Clan's shoes...

Our operational definition for SELAK is 'to be in a state of giddy happiness wrought by acts of utter foolishness'. Selak Clan members are true to their identity by being SELAK whenever and wherever possible. We uphold all that is considered SELAK by never turning from a challenge with our SELAK-ness, may it be from traversing the dark bridge from TC2 to TC1 at 12 o'clock (middle of the night), to climbing an escalator that is moving in the opposite direction, to making stupid jokes during movies, even to releasing a lethal dosage of racist jokes.

"The Selak-ness is strong within you."

The Members: Selak Clan's loyal Selakians...

  • DANESH: Known as Selak King, he embodies SELAK-ness in all that he does. His lethal racist jokes strikes fear into any that hears. His boldness in downing packets of sugar and mentos-es cowers the bravest of man. For he is, the Selak King, the SK.
  • JAY WEN: One of the 6 'CHINESE' inside the Clan. He is talented in all kinds off scouting, may it be guys or girls. His baby's-butt-smooth-fair-skin is just but a facade to hide the Beast within, the Love Guru.
  • QUEK: Known to be one who finds the elusive inner peace. In his quest for inner peace, he often travels deep within himself to a secluded part in his Mind, into the deep darkness of Lala-Land. With inner peace, he unleashes a death grip on whomsoever he wishes. Beware the 'Whacacaca' move of his. Beware, the Kampung Boy.
  • JASON: The Silent One no more. His machinations is part of the Clan's many successes. He is there to photograph our SELAK-ness. He is there to give careful insights. He is there to be Selak. He is the Selak Philosopher. 
  • LEE: Not many has the ability to render their enemies senseless like Lee. He unleashes a high-toned-screech to impair the Clan's enemies senses. His screech also tends to induce others into a sensation of utter horrification by the sheer intensity of the screech. Thus, he is known as the Pondan.
  • JEROME: The Dato'. He is the elusive predator. He hides behind a veil of reserved opinions but strikes when all think he won't. He strikes hard and deadly with witty remarks and diabolical racist jokes. Dato' Jer strikes again.
  • JORDAN: He who misjudge Jordan is utterly doomed. He poses a shy-and-reserved facade to draw his prey in. Once his prey is within reach, he goes into a frenzy of utter giddy-ness. He knows no bounds to his seemingly limitless energy source whilst in the Frenzy. 
  • NAZIM: The Malay. Nazim and Danesh are the only two non-chinese in the Clan. With his witty sarcasm and lethal racist remarks, he strikes deep inside enemy lines. He strikes the hardest when he join forces with the SELAK KING or with the LOVE GURU. There comes the Malay, there comes  the Tengku.

"Find thy SELAK-ness in thyself"


- Selak Melayu [ the Tengku ]

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