FAREWELL

THANKS FOR ATTENDING THE PARTAY, SELAK CLAN!

it was a blast!

- Tengku

Selak Clan videos.

Here are some videos I've recorded during my times with the Selak Clan. An example of what little things in our conversations can be exaggerated into the next biggest news hit since Global Warming.




Selak Clan @ Genting Highlands.
Host: Danesh & Quek.
Cameraman: JT.






Selak Clan @ TC2 > TC1.
Host: Danesh.
Cameraman: Danesh.



Stay tuned for more videos.



-- JT @ Selak Philosopher.

Misadventures of Quek and Jer (selak version)

It was a lovely morning and there's people going up and down Bukit Pelindung at that time. Me and Quek were teamed up by our superiors (fate). We planned to meet at the foot of the hill (Terrorists Gathering Place) at 7am. Then when i was on my way there, i was ambushed my Counter Terrorists. Luckily, there was only 10 of them, and they had their bullpups and mavericks aiming at me. They put holes through me and the milk that i had this morning has flowed out of my body. "****!". I got so angry that i knife-ed them all. Killing them, softly.

So because of that intervention, i was late and Quek went ahead and hiked Pelindung. He said he needed warm-up so he went to the peak and came back down. We rendezvous at a little hut on the way up. Then i realized that the superiors (Tengku) sent a couple of girls to help us out, probably because he thought we had no balls or sth.

We sneaked through the jungle and reached TC after about 15 minutes. Inside, our only obstacles are the HUGE spiderwebs. The formation was single file lead by me, then succeeded by Quek because i could no longer bear the torment of the spiderwebs, sticking all over me.

Quek lead us to TC and we came to a wooden bridge that links tc1 to tc2. We decided to travel on the rocks because we thought that if we traveled on the bridge, we'll be sitting ducks for the snipers hiding in the trees.

Our mission is to plant a C4 in MacDonalds because they put too much salt in our French Fries the last time we went.

But first we need to scout out the perimeter and also, find lunch. Then we spotted a big bunch of enemies at the front door of MacDonalds. There were around 7-8 girls throwing smiles and waving hands at us. Ugh! Me and Quek were caught unawares and was severely injured. So we went to search for some food to recover our strength

Since Hoi Yin was closed that day, we went for Nasi Lemak at a Nasi Lemak stall just behind Kuantan's Fried Chicken. It costed me RM3 for a Nasi Lemak and Bandung. Since the food was so good, a troop of monkeys crossed the road just to look at it! But the Malays there are an eye sore to me, disrupted my appetite. I'm sympathize them because they have to abstain from pork. (cackles gleefully)

So in the end of the day, we spent time sitting at the beach, planning our offence. Then .. we were just to lazy to destroy MacDonalds. Then, we went back to our barracks and called it a day.

-MISSION FAILED-

-selak Jer

Christmas Partay!

Greetings and Salutations.

Jacee and Jasmine had a pre-christmas bash just now. Selak Clan with the exception of JW, Jerome and SK was there to contribute some SELAK-ness. We had a water baloon/plain-old-fashioned-water-from-a-hose/ iced-water fight. Quek, Nazim and Jason fought valiantly in the H2O War. however, no war is complete without casualties. the three of us suffered severe water damage whilst Jordan and Lee sat inside the house sucking on their thumbs. did their SELAK-ness abandon them too soon in the fight against all that is not SELAK?! Nazim, fought valiantly through the whole battle. Being the only Malay, he thrashed the other CHINESE asses with pure H2O fury. Quek and Jason helped too. but they weren't much of the battle as the MELAYU was. Unfortunately, we have no pictures to be posted currently as our offiicial photographer (Jason) was part of the battle. I will try to acquire some pictures from the other party atandees. 

P.S. it was a bloody ass nice partay!

- Tengku

Black Man, White Hair

Greetings. so i was at Medan these past few days, and i saw this man, an Indian. he was walking casually along the road to wherever-it-is that he's going. he was quite an elderly type. he had WHITE hair. so it was quite odd, cuz i rarely see old indian people. so imagine a black dude, with WHITE hair. it was quite a sight for me cuz as i said earlier, i rarely see old indian people. the common wonders of life.

so when's our next meeting?

- Tengku

"Anyone can be selak, but not everyone is Selak Clan Material"

Selak Clan has gone cyber... Know now, that your days as a reader will be filled with torment, cruelty and racist jokes. For we are, the SELAK CLAN!

I greet thee, and wish thee all the courage and self-restraint whilst reading what us, the Selakians, have to say. May the Selak Force be with you... 'cause you'll need it.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Nazim [ ASEP 2008 ] says: (1:05:47 AM)

oi cina!

A Smile A Day Keeps The Wrinkles Away says: (1:05:56 AM)

hey

A Smile A Day Keeps The Wrinkles Away says: (1:06:03 AM)

saya sudah tulis

A Smile A Day Keeps The Wrinkles Away says: (1:06:08 AM)

when's ur turn

Nazim [ ASEP 2008 ] says: (1:06:21 AM)

i x tak tau apa nak tulis

A Smile A Day Keeps The Wrinkles Away says: (1:06:48 AM)

tulisja lah

Nazim [ ASEP 2008 ] says: (1:13:26 AM)

lol

Nazim [ ASEP 2008 ] says: (1:13:29 AM)

haha

Nazim [ ASEP 2008 ] says: (1:13:37 AM)

relax

Nazim [ ASEP 2008 ] says: (1:13:50 AM)

thingking noooooowwwwwww

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

As you can see, Jay Wen (the Public Relations officer of our Clan) has insisted that I contribute a post in honour of the Clan. Thus, I shall do as he wishes and write a tad bit about the Selak Clan.

A brief history of SC: How Selak Clan came to be...

The weekend after PMR finishes, each and everyone of us joined a trip organised by Quek to Genting Highlands for some fun and joy. We came alone, or at least in different groups. As love brings lovers together, so does SELAK-ness.

"Anyone can be selak, but not everyone is Selak Clan material."

We met in the bus, all 8 of us. May it be Fate or divine intervention, we bonded during the trip to Genting Highlands. As we bonded, the SELAK-ness in each of us called out to each other. Since then, we are inseparable (except when someone goes offstation, of course). And since then we are known as the SELAK CLAN!

The Works: A day in the Selak Clan's shoes...

Our operational definition for SELAK is 'to be in a state of giddy happiness wrought by acts of utter foolishness'. Selak Clan members are true to their identity by being SELAK whenever and wherever possible. We uphold all that is considered SELAK by never turning from a challenge with our SELAK-ness, may it be from traversing the dark bridge from TC2 to TC1 at 12 o'clock (middle of the night), to climbing an escalator that is moving in the opposite direction, to making stupid jokes during movies, even to releasing a lethal dosage of racist jokes.

"The Selak-ness is strong within you."

The Members: Selak Clan's loyal Selakians...

• DANESH: Known as Selak King, he embodies SELAK-ness in all that he does. His lethal racist jokes strikes fear into any that hears. His boldness in downing packets of sugar and mentos-es cowers the bravest of man. For he is, the Selak King, the SK.
• JAY WEN: One of the 6 'CHINESE' inside the Clan. He is talented in all kinds off scouting, may it be guys or girls. His baby's-butt-smooth-fair-skin is just but a facade to hide the Beast within, the Love Guru.
• QUEK: Known to be one who finds the elusive inner peace. In his quest for inner peace, he often travels deep within himself to a secluded part in his Mind, into the deep darkness of Lala-Land. With inner peace, he unleashes a death grip on whomsoever he wishes. Beware the 'Whacacaca' move of his. Beware, the Kampung Boy.
• JASON: The Silent One no more. His machinations is part of the Clan's many successes. He is there to photograph our SELAK-ness. He is there to give careful insights. He is there to be Selak. He is the Selak Philosopher. 
• LEE: Not many has the ability to render their enemies senseless like Lee. He unleashes a high-toned-screech to impair the Clan's enemies senses. His screech also tends to induce others into a sensation of utter horrification by the sheer intensity of the screech. Thus, he is known as the Pondan.
• JEROME: The Dato'. He is the elusive predator. He hides behind a veil of reserved opinions but strikes when all think he won't. He strikes hard and deadly with witty remarks and diabolical racist jokes. Dato' Jer strikes again.
• JORDAN: He who misjudge Jordan is utterly doomed. He poses a shy-and-reserved facade to draw his prey in. Once his prey is within reach, he goes into a frenzy of utter giddy-ness. He knows no bounds to his seemingly limitless energy source whilst in the Frenzy. 
• NAZIM: The Malay. Nazim and Danesh are the only two non-chinese in the Clan. With his witty sarcasm and lethal racist remarks, he strikes deep inside enemy lines. He strikes the hardest when he join forces with the SELAK KING or with the LOVE GURU. There comes the Malay, there comes  the Tengku.

"Find thy SELAK-ness in thyself"

- Selak Melayu [ the Tengku ]

Give you freedom to think of this title

A Smile A Day Keeps The Wrinkles Away says:
quek u like to talk a lotlah
- J Ｔ - says:
go write la quek
_________________________________________________________________________________

So now you know what's happening, right?

"When I am given the chance to talk, I don't talk." selak-ed Quek

_________________________________________________________________________________

For now, I can only think of Selak King, JW and Tengku. Why? Surely not because I'm gay. =.=''

Because once they saw this post, they will say:

" Woahhhhhhh! QUEK ACTS COOL! " selak-ed Selak King.

" GILER!!! GILER!!! GILER!!! WAKAOKAO WAKAOKAO!!!" selak-ed JW a.k.a Love Guru

" DIE LA YOU! HAHAHA!!!" selak-ed Tengku

" I thought u not in selak clan?!" selak-ed Lee

Others will just laugh.

If I marry 3 of them, i will be having many holidays. I celebrate a lot of festivals then. Christian, Buddhists, Hindu and Islam. Also, i have many friends from all races. :D

WALAO, WHAT AM I THINKING?? Then my son how? will they become abnormally dark or fair? But one thing I'm sure of it, he/she must be damn selak. Right, guys? And his name will be Tengku Quek JW bin Tengku Quek a/l danesh. Long name.

"Love someone, don't need reason 1." selak-ed JW a.k.a Love Guru

If I'm a gay, also not so flower-hearted until love 3 guys in a time lorh. Somemore this 3 guys meh. OWH! MAYBE!? WE ARE NOT RACISTS!! MULTI-RACIAL MAH!!!!


This post, is my first post and most probably the last post.



"What's your profession?"
"selak!! selak!! selak!!"
" WHAT? i cannot hear!! solat? fart? silat"
"SELAK!! SELAK!! SELAK!!"


HOPEFULLY THIS CLAN WILL ROCK FOREVER!! BECOMING THE MOST POPULAR CLAN IN THE WORLD!!! AND THIS BLOG WILL BE THE MOST VISISTED BLOG!! BEWARE!




I selak enough already. Goodbye! *tired la, brother.*



-Selak Quek a.k.a Lala Boy.-

Selak Clan rules the day!

Guess you guys have heard before
- crazy ppl
- funny ppl
- wat sort of ppl.. etc.

BT, have you ever heard of SELOK ppl?? Well here's a brief on it.
Here's a clan where it consists of selok ppl. The clan has been created by our own KING, Danesh da 'keling'.
We're are not just funny,we are crazy and last but not least... we are SELAK-Y (duno where da hell tis word came from).

Speaking about SELAK, the 1st person that comes into my mind is QUEK. The so called "cute and matured guy" haha. NO DOUBT. He often calls us dun selak and without realising he's the 1 that selak. He has his super reaction and his signature move was awesome , and it's called the WACHACHA move. ahaha. Follow on, it's our KING dey! He's the 1 that bring us all the laughters and joy. He will start selak-ing by showing off his "bluff-ing" skill and of course eating SUGAR PACKS haha. And QUEK was like NO!NO! can die... MEMANG LAWAK LAH THEY 2.

Wow not to mentioned lee, he was the 1 having a high magnificent tone and he shouts like a GAL. So he has been given a nick - PONDAN! And JORDAN, whenever u see him he will start taking off his BAJU and showing off his muscles. Xd

Here goes JEROME, he has been titled A slow-1-step guy (no offence hehe) Bt he's really 1 helpful guy lar. Talking about Nazim, our Tengku man. Maybe he's every gals fans becoz he's the MALAY lolz. He's da 1 that likes to talk about those silly racist jokes and we will burst into laughters. And finally!! Our philosopher JT. Put him last because he's our one and only photographer haha. Tat guy gila, he's a leng zai. Bt could he be more leng zai than ME?? jkjk lolz. To me, they Rox!! more rock than any other rockers around the world!

I've really enjoyed my days being wif you guys! Oh gosh, even could dump any girls to be wif you all. But, it's kinda IMPOSSIBLE for me Hehe.

Jw's theory, NO GAL = NO LIFE ahahahahahaha.

Gonna end it wif da SELAK CLAN'S THEME,
Giler giler giler , Wakakao , Puchaku pucaku , A wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.



Once and for all,
-- Selak Jw

Bein honest hehe.

first..soli la..english tarak bagus =)
maybe wt i write all rubbish..dun like thn dun read la..comment anythin.z
what to write eh? i not good in this..ny geo pro hehe
time to counter evryone dy ^^

SK -> our leader..let u proud la..knw him since f1..used to b a very gud boy..nw changed to !@#$%^&* dy.always tease by him in d class since f2 til NOW.im used to it.haiz.this keling..when he's serious then very matured la..if nt thn selak..can see hw he selak in d chatbox...can search for his vid in youtube..spidey nigga if im nt mistaken..lol.thts all la.
JT -> thx.. i know my voice very sweet xD . actually is my natural ability la.nt pondan .ehem
kecil hati pulak,i admit i really kecil hati one..so u all must treat me better la..hehe.
i deserve it ! xD
Jer -> A quiet person diam diam ubi berisi haha..vry kind.. sumtimes counter ppl i also sked d ..lol
JW -> i've no idea why evryone callin him love guru.ketinggalan d..haiz.as jt say he has baby-fair-
like skin..mayb always eat 'Hoi Yin's curry me' xD!las time used to talk alot of crap with him.
but now..he maybe matured dy la..very cool..very generous person gua. haha.
quek-> this fella..got alot nickname la.. lalaboy,kampungboy..loves to guess ppl's mind,ask bout some relationship question,hold ppl's hand,show his serious face..i prefer d talkative quek thn d cool one la..cuter ma ..haha
jord-> quite gay wit him cos always share secret n go his hse n stay..lol.vry kind n generous aso.
ntg bad bout him gua.. xD
naz-> d only malay in SC ..daulat tengku.hamsap n open minded person..xD.

no offence k? sorry..haha


-- [Selak]-Lee

wadup, yo? (edited)

First of all, i'd like to thank all the chinese that made this blog happen. You guys did a fantastic job.

While JT spent his teenage years serving Osama Bin Laden as flight attendant, i traded my soul to the devil to save the life of a loved one that died in the end anyways. He said he needed someone to do all his 'dirty' work. Every morning, i wake up in the middle of nowhere, beside my yellow bicycle. It seems that my bicycle has went through hell as it was still steaming with flame. Until one day, my subconscious brings me to a little town called Quantan, or was it Kwantan? Then i found Jesus there and he cast me into the body of a kid. Blahblahblah, and here i am now. My powers suppressed. Till when will my DEVASTATING POWERS be UNLEASHED? That would be a day, you wouldn't want to be in Quantan/Kwantan..

For the record, i was the one who suggested. So i kinda contributed. As a proud member of the Selak Clan and the author of this blog, i humbly welcome all you readers out there.


Yours truly,


-- Selak jer

Inspired, by our very own, Selak Philosopher.

The Selak Clan goes cyber!

You can run but you cannot hide.

Now that the Selak Clan is entering the cyber world, be afraid, be very afraid, dear bloggers.




As the first member to blog the first post, I shall carve my way into the cyber abyssal and introduce myself.

Greetings and salutations dear readers, I am JT. Formerly a part of an elite squad formed by Osama Bin Laden himself, initially formed to take down the World Trade Center. But because of the unlikely events, my team had to abort the mission because we boarded the wrong plane. And into Malaysia I am now. Until recently when Danesh found me, one of the 6 others, meditating above my currently living home, on the roof with a 5ft metal rod strapped at the back of my head with thunderstorms ricocheting above me; he advised me to join his clan and rule the world with our sarcastic racist talks instead. I agreed without a second thought.

So that's my story. Now, are you afraid of me?




Continue on, I shall now address the rest and a short brief of who they really are. Starting with;


Danesh / Selak King - The founder of this elusive clan 2 months ago. Imbued with his natural abilities of selak-ness, his prowess are unmatched by any of us and now you know why he is crowned as the KING?
Jay Wen / Love Guru - He, my friend, are the most experienced member when it comes to relationships and teenage issues. Along with his wicked metaphors and baby-fair-like skin, no girls can resist the temptation.
Quek / LaLa Boy - Previously titled and currently often still, 'The Cute & Matured Quek', he would turn your day upside down with his signature move. Chanting "Wakachaaa" while doing it, no one could escape from his vile grip. Also, often times when the rest of the clan are doing inmature acts, he would shake his head and call us as the inmature gang without looking at the mirror; another one of his signature moves.
Nazim / Tengku - Merging his silly racist jokes with Danesh, he's one unstopabble foe, seriously. The only one in the clan that could blend in around humans of the opposite sex; outgoing and friendly at times, at times! Bwahaha. Let's just say his abilities are all based on racist jokes :p
Lee / High Tone Vocalist - With his deafening screeches and another signature move; the "kecil hati" act, his pleas are sometimes difficult to neglect. Nicknamed 'pondan' for his bizarre scream.
Jer / Dato' J - Nicknamed Dato' for specifical reasons, he's the one that would comment the current situation with his dry humors, sometimes racist. All in all, though not always in the center of attention, his cameo appearances are handy.
Jordan / Jordy - As Jay Wen implies, all you can do is watch him strip and let your sight do the rest. Bwahaha.






-- Selak Philosopher.

"Our selakness knows no bounds."